On Taxidermy

and taverns, roadhouses, saloons, and bars

There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern.

Samuel Johnson

There’s a not-so-subtle design intervention common throughout our most beloved taverns, roadhouses, saloons, and bars.

Real estateurs take note - this might just be the thing that can change the fortune of your unloved suburban mall, class-B office, or 70s vintage multifamily.

If and how you incorporate this distinctive design into your property depends on your desired tenant profile, but here’s your playbook - a spectrum of possibilities - all based on a time-tested solution:

Taxidermy.

Freeman’s

At the end of Freeman Alley off Rivington Street, tucked between Bowery and Chrystie Street in New York City’s Lower East Side, is a place of happiness: Freeman’s.

It’s a classic American tavern, built for drinking (and hipsters).

Like any proper tavern, Freeman’s is long on taxidermy. It takes its design queues from the proven appeal of stuffed animals and alcohol.

And Freeman’s is also long on charred animal parts. A case in point: “Devils on Horseback” - gorgonzola and prunes wrapped in bacon.

The Old Place

On the other side of our great country, up in the Santa Monica mountains above Malibu, is The Old Place. It opened in 1970 serving cowboys, hippies, and movie stars. Not much has changed - The Old Place is a crowd-pleaser roadhouse combining fire-cooked meats, alcohol, and, of course, taxidermy.

Nothing makes a place like strolling peacocks.

It’s a cure for veganism.

Pioneer Saloon

Downtown Ketchum, Idaho’s Pioneer Saloon (the “Pio”) has a world-class inventory of dead animals.

Elk, bison, mule deer,

cattle, foxes, pheasants, and badgers.

A rule of saloons:

the denser the taxidermy the better the steaks.

Evidence:

Each of these examples serves a certain demographic profile.

Go to Freeman’s if your date has bangs and ironic glasses.

Go to The Old Place if your date has a gray ponytail and rides a recumbent bike.

Got to the Pioneer Saloon if your date wears Patagonia vests and travels on a Citation X.

If you’re serious about adding taxidermy to your property, consider first acquiring a genuine innovation lab to iterate on your ideas.

Now available:

As seen in London’s Financial Times.

Consider it an R&D expense.

Build your inventory of taxidermy.

And create places, as Samuel Johnson says, of happiness (unless you are the taxidermy).

If you’re reading this, you might be one of those “maniacs on a mission” working to create wonderful places.

Whether you’re a property owner looking to bring a property to life, or a retailer, designer, restaurateur, or hotelier who can make it happen, Automatic is the place for you.

Join us on October 1 & 2 in Atlanta to find your people.

Learn more: www.automaticmeetup.com